50+ Funny Senior Quotes to Make You Laugh Out Loud

Are you looking for a quick laugh or a witty remark to brighten up your day? Our collection of funny quotes might be helpful for you! From classic humorists to modern-day comedians, our curated selection of hilarious quotes is sure to leave you in stitches. So sit back, relax, and let the laughter begin!

50+ Funny Senior Quotes to Make You Laugh

1.    “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” – Margaret Mead

2.   “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey

3.   “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” – Abraham Lincoln

4.   “Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.” – Albert Einstein

5.   “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles M. Schulz

6.   “Everybody wants to be somebody; nobody wants to grow.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

7.   “Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.” – Mark Twain

8.   “Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.” – Mark Twain

9.   “God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” – Robin Williams

10.   “He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.” – Charles de Gaulle

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

11.   “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde

12.   “I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde

13.   “I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.” – Unknown

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14.   “I have a photographic memory, but I always forget to load the film.” – Unknown

15.   “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas Edison

16.   “I have not lost my mind – it’s backed up on disk somewhere.” – Unknown

17.   “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams

“I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll make an exception.” – Groucho Marx

18.   “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.” – Douglas Adams

19.   “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite

20.   “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure.” – Unknown

21.   “I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown

22.   “I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – A. Whitney Brown

23.   “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” – Steven Wright

24.   “We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.” – Unknown

25.   “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright

26.   “If at first you don’t succeed, then redefine success.” – Unknown

27.   “If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?” – Abraham Lincoln

28.   “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson

29.   “I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.” – Unknown

30.   “I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen

“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.” – Unknown

31.   “I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.” – Unknown

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32.   “It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, but then again, if you’ve never loved at all, you wouldn’t know the difference.” – Unknown

33.   “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.” – Mark Twain

34.   “Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.” – Voltaire

35.   “Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.” – Unknown

36.   “My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” – Mitch Hedberg

37.   “My psychiatrist told me I was crazy, and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.” – Rodney Dangerfield

38.   “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M’s and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry

39.   “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain

40.   “Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you’ve put in.” – Unknown

41.   “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx

42.   “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” – Isaac Asimov

43.   “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.” – Groucho Marx

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44.   “Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” – Don Marquis

45.   “Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol.” – N.F. Simpson

46.   “Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.” – Charles Bukowski

47.   “The best way to predict the future is to create it.” – Peter Drucker

48.   “The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” – Unknown

49.   “The only way to do great work is to love what you do.” – Steve Jobs

“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.” – Charles Bukowski

50.   “Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all its pupils.” – Hector Berlioz

51.   “The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.” – Groucho Marx

52.   “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” – Terry Pratchett

53.   “There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” – Chris Rock

54.   “There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.” – Oscar Levant

In conclusion, we hope our collection of funny quotes has helped to entertain you and add a little humor to your day. So, the next time you need a good laugh, check out our collection of funny quotes and start laughing!

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